How men determine their worth – and what to do when things go wrong

Emotional healthLove & intimacyChallenge yourself

May 27

If men have a biological tendency to seek self-worth through personal, independent performance, what happens when they can’t work or don’t reach their goals? Executive coach Neil Bierbaum explores manhood and the 4 stages of maturity, including a possible mid-life crisis. He discusses countering the loss of identity and recognition by deliberately creating a meaningful context and cultivating acceptance.

If you’re new to podcasts, simply click on the arrow to listen to Neil and Mariette, or on the download button to download the conversation onto your device.

In ep. 211 of the weekly podcast series Calm, Clear and Helpful, Neil Bierbaum - mindset coach for leaders and high-performing teams - considers:

a biological tendency in men to seek self-worth through personal, independent performance, while women seek self-worth through relationships and intimacy
woke thinking or gender ideology: the belief that gender is a social construct entirely
whether basing one’s worth on a monetary value indicates a fragile ego
Neils view of the 4 stages of maturity:
1 rebellion (red); 2 compliance (white); 3 integration (grey); 4 wisdom (black)
the balance between having big dreams and being grounded
the mid-life transition, and when it becomes a crisis
what the male psyche may see as a loss
when a man can’t work anymore and needs to redefine his worth, and the role of context
a crucial question: “What worth do I have apart from what I do, earn or own”
how to gain a level of acceptance around your life.

In this episode, Neil mentions neurobiologist and author Michael Gurian’s book What could he be thinking?', the Jungian analyst and author James Hollis, Robert Bly’s book Iron John, the Mankind Project, Jung’s work on the development of the animus, and Jungs childhood (puer) and maturity (senex) archetypes.

Scroll down for more info on Neil, including his contact details.

Read Neils answers to 8 personal questions.

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More about Neil

Mindset coach Neil Bierbaum focuses on Executive Coaching, Leadership Development, Team Building and Public Speaking. He does life coaching, particularly with men.

Neil has coaching and training experience at the highest level and has worked with corporates from a CEO level down, as well as celebrities and high performing entrepreneurs. He is credentialed as a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) with the International Coach Federation (ICF).

In 2024, Neil was rewarded the Top Achiever Award and the Prof Martin Ungerer Award for Research on completing his Leadership Coaching MPhil (cum laude). He has a commerce degree, auditing experience, and studied psychology.

Neil has a background in journalism - he was an award-winning journalist and the founding editor of Directions and FHM South Africa magazines - and enjoys creating content for his platforms. He is based in Johannesburg.

Websites:

Neil Bierbaum Coaching https://neilbierbaum.com/

Online self-coaching course: https://neilbierbaum.com/shop/self-coaching-online-life/

The Man Matrix https://themanmatrix.com (where men can get their Man Matrix Report)

Neil’s coaching for men https://neilbierbaum.com/coaching/coaching-for-men/

YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@neilbierbaum

Books: https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B079TYRSQG

LinkedIn: Neil Bierbaum

You can subscribe to Neil’s Substack Channel at https://neilbierbaum.substack.com - his channel includes a section called Growing Men.

Also read psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi’s explanation of the flow state, and how challenge and skill can lead to ecstasy.

You’re welcome to listen to relationship coach Bryan Reeves’ startling insights into what men - and women - deeply yearn for.

Original music by Mart-Marie Snyman