How to keep calm under pressure
The calmer, more predictable world we long for does not seem to be in a hurry to return. How do we cope with these turbulent times? Counselling psychologist dr. Hannetjie van Zyl-Edeling offers practical tips for reducing anxiety and stress and boosting our energy levels.
“For many of us, the Covid-19 pandemic with its varying levels of lockdown has been an emotional rollercoaster-ride,” says dr. Hannetjie van Zyl-Edeling. “Our greatest fears have been triggered: those of suffering physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually or financially and of coming face to face with death. Since this is a global threat and there is no escape, it has been hard to stave off feelings of insecurity and helplessness.”
Fortunately, we can manage our fears by remaining aware of how we feel and applying simple solutions and tried and trusted techniques.
Keeping track of your thoughts
“Our subconscious works at the speed of light in order to protect us. It ‘listens’ to our thoughts and, like a child of three or four years old, takes everything literally. It has no sense of humour, takes things literally, and particularly doesn’t understand the words ‘no’ or ‘not.’ For example, when you tell a child carrying a glass of juice: ‘Watch out, don’t spill it!’ the picture she immediately gets is that of the juice being spilt. It’s much better to tell her to sit down and drink her juice.
“In the same way, our subconscious may interpret negative thoughts turning over and over in our mind as something it should make happen. Those thoughts may become self-fulfilling prophecies.”
“For this reason, it is important to observe our thoughts and focus deliberately on the good ones. This, of course, is easier said than done, but there are techniques that can help us turn those nasty habitual anxious thought patterns into more advantageous ones.”
Ways to ensure a positive focus:
When you notice your thoughts going into a negative spin, place the fingers of your one hand against the palm of the other to form a “T” for Time-out. Replace these thoughts with a “homing thought” that you have formulated beforehand. Homing thoughts express who and what we want to be. Just as homing pigeons are trained, we can train our minds to go back to these positive thoughts and beliefs at will. A homing thought may be “to be a healthy, fit and happy person”. Ask yourself whether your present state of mind is taking you in the direction of your positive goal, and if not, change it.
In order to counter our in-built negativity bias – our tendency to react more strongly to negative stimuli or to see what is out of place – homing thoughts need to be repeated often to hardwire them into the brain.
You can distract yourself from a negative spiral by consciously focusing on something that is positive for you - on a flower, a picture, a coloured candle, or any object that inspires and energises you. Most people instinctively know what works for them.
Positive affirmations – statements of what we really want - can rewire our mental pathways. They should be in the present tense, stated positively, short, specific and to the point. For example: “I am calm, comfortable and in control.” Say your affirmations several times during the day and also write them down regularly for six weeks, until they become ingrained. (If your desired outcome is very far from your current position, formulate the affirmation as a work in progress – for example “every day I am getting closer to my goal/calm self/etc.)
Music is a powerful way to counter a negative thought spiral and lift your mood. Listen to music with a positive association, for instance music you danced to when you were young, and really enjoy it.
A smile has a more powerful effect on our mood than we may realise. Surround yourself with smileys, , for instance when you open your laptop, or stick one on the bathroom mirror.
Focusing on brain waves and breathing
“Getting stressed or going into ‘monkey-brain mode’ – entertaining repetitive thought patterns that do nothing for our wellbeing – is associated with high beta brainwave frequencies.”
Meditation is a tried and trusted way to calm beta waves down. However, when feeling stressed or anxious, many people find it difficult to settle down enough to meditate. In that case a walking meditation, any rhythmic movement such as yoga, or a repetitive activity like knitting can come to your aid.
Kry ‘n blik op Hannetjie se lewe, veelvuldige liefdes, en op haar “distilled wisdom”!
There is a wonderful app called Insight Timer offering at least 70 000 free meditations, as well as courses and talks, many of them dealing with stress and anxiety. I personally recommend a specific type called binaural meditation, which one listens to using earphones. The sounds reach the left and the right ear at different frequencies and help your brain to create the slower waves; it more or less meditates on your behalf. This is great to help you sleep or take a refreshing break. I particularly like the binaural music created by Chris Collins and the tracks that contain nature sounds.
Breathing is a powerful tool to help you calm down. When we are anxious, we don’t breathe properly. Deep breathing reminds our subconscious that we are alive. Even a deep sigh can help us feel more relaxed. Feel how you de-tress when you breathe in for four counts and breathe out for six.
The following deep-breathing technique can help you fall asleep:
Get comfortable while lying in bed. Using the duvet or sheet, create a little hollow in front of your face – big enough to let you breathe into the hollow with ease.
Start breathing in and out, slowly. Each in-breath, for the duration of the exercise, should last 6 counts. On the other hand, your first out-breath lasts 6 counts, your second out-breath lasts 7 counts, and so on, up to 10 or 12 counts – whichever you can reach. Now you start counting backwards. While maintaining your in-breaths of 6 counts each, your out-breaths grow shorter, e.g. from 10 counts to 9 counts, etcetera. Most people fall asleep before they have completed three full cycles. If you are still awake after that, it’s time to get up and do some chores!
Hannetjie clarifies the issue of emotional eating and what our subconscious may be trying to tell us when we carry excess weight.
Read Hannetjie’s beautifully written advice on being a mom.
Helpful techniques involving movement, food and really letting it out
When one is stressed, it is as if the connection between the brain-hemispheres cuts out and just like a bridge that is not open, the information from one hemisphere cannot reach the other side. This hampers one’s performance and memory. Cross-over movements, such as touching your left elbow with your right knee and vice versa, can help you reconnect the brain hemispheres. When your “whole brain” is applied to an issue, expect far better results and a reduction in anxiety.
GABA, one of our calming neurotransmitters, easily gets depleted when we feel anxious or stressed, and vice versa. When there are too many demands on us, the GABA levels get depleted and we experience more anxiety as a result. Low GABA levels can also cause us to feel irritated, clumsy and act rudely.
We want to encourage our bodies to create and maintain adequate GABA levels. This can be done naturally by drinking rooibos tea with a lot of cinnamon, green tea, or eating bananas.
Alternatively, you can look for L-Theanine, a precursor of GABA, in health shops or pharmacies. It seems that GABA itself is not easily absorbed, so the precursors are preferable. Other precursors are Valerian and Passionflower.
Since stress can increase our need for nutrients, a supplement containing vitamin B and magnesium is a good idea.
Aromatherapy has taught us how beneficial aromas can be. Neroli, lavender and rose essential oils can make you feel calmer. Citrus aromas can perk you up, especially sweet orange.
Take time to get your worries out of your system by journalling. Decide in advance when you can dedicate fifteen minutes or so to writing down your frustrations. If you feel worried in between these sessions, tell yourself it can wait till your next session, so your whole day is not marred by negative thoughts.
Screaming into a pillow or hitting a thick pillow can bring you emotional release. Make sure that your house mates know why you are doing this. The rule is: no breaking of people or property. You can also scream as loudly as you want when you are alone in your motor car.
One technique from positive psychology is focusing on what went well for you today or what you are grateful for. This is brilliant to improve relationships and children’s behaviour too.
“As William Shakespeare pointed out, ‘there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.’ We can choose to focus on the positive in order to keep calm and even grow in positivlty in an upside-down world.”Hannetjie explains how we can optimise our physical, psychological, financial and social “portfolios” to ensure quality of life in our later years - the earlier, the better.
Contact details:Dr. Hannetjie van Zyl-Edeling, Counselling Psychologist, accredited Mediator and author, lives and works in Johannesburg: Tel. 0824604575, www.drhannetjie.co.za or han@emlct.com
Distilled wisdom: A Guide to Positive Living and Ageing, by Dr Hannetjie is available as an e-book on Amazon (Kindle):
https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Distilled+Wisdom&i=digital-text&ref=nb_sb_noss_2
This article has been based on an Afrikaans podcast created for rrRADIO, the podcast platform of rooi rose magazine.Images: Unsplash