How to manage conflict in your personal relationships
None of us is immune to relationship fallouts. Counselling psychologist Dr. Hannetjie van Zyl-Edeling clarifies what conflict entails, its purpose, causes and effects, and explains what happens in your body during a quarrel. She recommends rules for fair fighting and reveals the secret behind handling disagreements really well.
Dr. Hannetjie van Zyl-Edeling
If you are new to podcasts, simply click on the arrow to listen to Hannetjie and Mariette, or on the download button to download the conversation onto your device.
In ep. 88 of the weekly podcast series Calm, Clear & Helpful, Hannetjie touches on
which purpose conflict serves
different types of conflict
the causes of conflict: dashed expectations, a lack of respect, and (in actual fact) an avoidance of conflict
what happens in your body during conflict, and how to counter the “flooded” stress response
why some people avoid conflict while others relish the excitement involved
ego states from Transactional Analysis
Hannetjie’s three-strikes system
agreeing on the rules for fair fighting
fearful aggression
figuring out which interests and needs underpin someone’s position
how parents can teach their children helpful ways of handling conflict
Hannetjie’s best tips for handling conflict well.
In this episode Hannetjie mentions Daniel Goleman, Making Marriage Work written by Paul Hauck, John Gottman, I’m OK - You’re OK written by Thomas Harris, Dr. Barbara Mariposa, and Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone written by Mark Goulston.
She also mentions the following tools:
Also listen to Dr. Ingrid Artus on why affairs happen and how a couple can be helped to restore broken trust.
Hannetjie clarifies the issue of emotional eating and what our subconscious may be trying to tell us when we carry excess weight.
Good news: ageing needn’t lead to decline. Here Hannetjie debunks 3 myths about ageing.
Read Hannetjie’s practical tips for reducing stress and keeping calm in these turbulent times.
Read Hannetjie’s heart-felt thoughts on motherhood.
The free podcast series Calm, Clear & Helpful is available on iTunes, Spotify, Player FM and Iono.fm.
Vind uit wat Hannetjie te sê het oor ‘n gelukkige huwelik en haar eie “bron van goud”, en kry ‘n blik op haar skilderwerk.
Hannetjie explains how we can optimise our physical, psychological, financial and social “portfolios” to ensure quality of life in our later years - the earlier, the better.
Contact details
Dr. Hannetjie van Zyl-Edeling is a counselling psychologist with a private practice, an accredited mediator, author and artist who lives and works in Johannesburg. She has also studied dietetics. Her Ph.D. deals with the mind-body connection, specifically regarding bulimia.
Tel. 0824604575
Website www.drhannetjie.co.za
Email address han@emlct.com
Podcast music by Mart-Marie Snyman.
Image: Pexels.
Photograph of Dr. Hannetjie van Zyl-Edeling: supplied.
Please note:
These podcasts are intended purely for educational purposes and should never replace professional evaluation or discussion.
If you have suicidal thoughts, phone the free SADAG helpline at 0800 567 567 or SMS 31393 (both available 24/7) or contact a qualified medical professional.