The Enneagram for couples: understand yourself and your beloved
In an intimate relationship, different viewpoints create stress and conflict. By illuminating each partner’s key motivational drive, the Enneagram provides clarity which – used mindfully – supports self-awareness and liberates one’s partner from unrealistic expectations. Transformation coach Renier Cronje explains how accepting and normalising each partner’s survival fears can strengthen the relationship and provide a gateway to love.
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In ep. 126 of the weekly podcast series Calm, Clear and Helpful, transformation coach Renier Cronje clarifies
what the Enneagram is
a description of a motivational drive: a subconscious brain pattern, archetype, or way of interpreting reality
the link between our motivational patterns, survival, and blocking the flow of life and love
what makes the Enneagram different from other personality assessments: examining the “why” behind behaviour
the 9 personality types
how one can determine one’s Enneagram type
how knowledge of your Enneagram drive can benefit you on an individual as well as a relational level
how accepting and managing your motivational drive can bring about personal transformation
the 3 centers of expression: action (linked to control), thinking (linked to guidance and safety) and feeling (linked to acceptance)
mindfulness: the context for inquiry
why conflict between relationship partners is normal, and why they can’t “make each other happy”
the inevitable suffering following attempts to control another human being
meeting yourself - and your partner - with curiosity and kindness
practical examples of clashing motivational drives in love relationships
Renier’s 3 tips for inner well-being.
In this podcast episode Renier mentions the Stellenbosch contemplative group InVia; the spiritual teachers Byron Katie and Eckart Tolle; and the contemplative priest Richard Rohr.
Scroll down for more info on Renier, including his contact details.
Summary of the 9 Enneagram types
Enneagram 1 – Strict Perfectionist: The drive to be a good person who does what is right (avoid making mistakes & being wrong)
Enneagram 2 – Considerate helper: The drive to help others (avoid own hurts and needs)
Enneagram 3 – Competitive achiever: The drive to be successful and win (avoid failure at all costs)
Enneagram 4 – Intense Creative: The drive to be unique & significant (avoid the mundane)
Enneagram 5 – Quiet Specialist: The drive to understand and be knowledgeable (avoid not knowing or understanding)
Enneagram 6 – Loyal Sceptic: The drive for safety and certainty (avoid risk & uncertainty)
Enneagram 7 – Enthusiastic Visionary: The drive for pleasure & having exciting options/stimulation (avoid discomfort, pain & boredom)
Enneagram 8 – Active Controller: The drive to be strong and in control (avoid weakness & vulnerability)
Enneagram 9 – Adaptive Peacemaker: The drive to maintain harmony (avoid conflict & their own agenda)
About Renier, including contact details:
Renier Cronje is a qualified professional consciousness coach and accredited Enneagram practitioner from Cape Town, South Africa. He specialises in mindfulness-based well-being.
Website: www.reflectioneer.com
Enneagram link: www.reflectioneer.com/enneagram/
About: https://www.reflectioneer.com/reniercronje/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/reflectioneer_coaching/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/reflectioneer/
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Here Dr. Hannetjie van Zyl-Edeling explains how to best handle conflict in your personal relationships.
The free podcast series Calm, Clear & Helpful is available on iTunes, Spotify, Player FM and Iono.fm.
Music by Mart-Marie Snyman
Thumbnail image: Pexels.
Photograph of Renier Cronje and graphics: supplied.