Mariette Snyman

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The Enneagram for couples: understand yourself and your beloved

In an intimate relationship, different viewpoints create stress and conflict. By illuminating each partner’s key motivational drive, the Enneagram provides clarity which – used mindfully – supports self-awareness and liberates one’s partner from unrealistic expectations. Transformation coach Renier Cronje explains how accepting and normalising each partner’s survival fears can strengthen the relationship and provide a gateway to love.

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In ep. 126 of the weekly podcast series Calm, Clear and Helpful, transformation coach Renier Cronje clarifies

  • what the Enneagram is

  • a description of a motivational drive: a subconscious brain pattern, archetype, or way of interpreting reality

  • the link between our motivational patterns, survival, and blocking the flow of life and love

  • what makes the Enneagram different from other personality assessments: examining the “why” behind behaviour

  • the 9 personality types

  • how one can determine one’s Enneagram type

  • how knowledge of your Enneagram drive can benefit you on an individual as well as a relational level

  • how accepting and managing your motivational drive can bring about personal transformation

  • the 3 centers of expression: action (linked to control), thinking (linked to guidance and safety) and feeling (linked to acceptance)

  • mindfulness: the context for inquiry

  • why conflict between relationship partners is normal, and why they can’t “make each other happy”

  • the inevitable suffering following attempts to control another human being

  • meeting yourself - and your partner - with curiosity and kindness

  • practical examples of clashing motivational drives in love relationships

  • Renier’s 3 tips for inner well-being.

In this podcast episode Renier mentions the Stellenbosch contemplative group InVia; the spiritual teachers Byron Katie and Eckart Tolle; and the contemplative priest Richard Rohr.

Scroll down for more info on Renier, including his contact details.

Summary of the 9 Enneagram types

Enneagram 1 – Strict Perfectionist: The drive to be a good person who does what is right (avoid making mistakes & being wrong)

Enneagram 2 – Considerate helper: The drive to help others (avoid own hurts and needs)

Enneagram 3 – Competitive achiever: The drive to be successful and win (avoid failure at all costs)

Enneagram 4 – Intense Creative: The drive to be unique & significant (avoid the mundane)

Enneagram 5 – Quiet Specialist: The drive to understand and be knowledgeable (avoid not knowing or understanding)

Enneagram 6 – Loyal Sceptic: The drive for safety and certainty (avoid risk & uncertainty)

Enneagram 7 – Enthusiastic Visionary: The drive for pleasure & having exciting options/stimulation (avoid discomfort, pain & boredom)

Enneagram 8 – Active Controller: The drive to be strong and in control (avoid weakness & vulnerability)

Enneagram 9 – Adaptive Peacemaker: The drive to maintain harmony (avoid conflict & their own agenda)

 

About Renier, including contact details:

Renier Cronje is a qualified professional consciousness coach and accredited Enneagram practitioner from Cape Town, South Africa. He specialises in mindfulness-based well-being.

Website: www.reflectioneer.com

Enneagram link: www.reflectioneer.com/enneagram/

About: https://www.reflectioneer.com/reniercronje/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/reflectioneer_coaching/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/reflectioneer/

Feel free to click on Home and browse this website for articles and podcasts on more fulfilling love relationships, easier parenting, and upping your emotional well-being.


Here Dr. Hannetjie van Zyl-Edeling explains how to best handle conflict in your personal relationships.

The free podcast series Calm, Clear & Helpful is available on iTunes, Spotify, Player FM and Iono.fm.


Music by Mart-Marie Snyman

Thumbnail image: Pexels.

Photograph of Renier Cronje and graphics: supplied.