How to cope when your partner has a chronic illness

Chronic disease alters the daily functioning and quality of life of the individual with the diagnosis - the same applies to their partner. Educational psychologist Lidalize Grobler explores the physical, emotional and financial challenges a couple may face, energy budgeting, realistic expectations, and flare-ups. She offers valuable pointers on creating emotional safety, deepening trust, and finding intimacy in shared resilience.

If you are new to podcasts, simply click on the arrow to listen to Lidalize and Mariette, or on the download button to download the conversation onto your device.

In ep. 217 of the weekly podcast series Calm, Clear and Helpful, educational psychologist Lidalize Grobler touches on

• her view of her work as an educational psychologist

• how chronic illness not only impacts the individual with the diagnosis, but spirals out to their immediate environment, including their partner  

• chronic illness from a medical point of view and from a psychological perspective

• examples of chronic illness, and why psychiatric conditions need not be excluded

• NILL, Lidalize’s acronym depicting “invisible” illness:

  *Not being believed or taken seriously

  *Internalising doubt

  *Loneliness in relationships

  *Loss of identity and validation

• how chronic illness can impact a love relationship, including

  *a shift in roles and responsibilities

  *changes in communication

  *emotional strain and burnout

  *impact on physical intimacy

  *loss of shared activities or future plans

  *a change in trust, security and dependency

  *potential for growth and deepened connection

• creating a shift from a performance-based love to a presence-based love

•  flare-ups and how to manage them

• how understanding a partner’s illness can facilitate empathy, not merely understanding

• signs of compassion fatigue in the partner without the diagnosis

• advice for developing deeper understanding: ask with genuine interest and educate yourself

• having little energy and Christine Miserandino’s spoon theory

• considering the personality of your partner with a diagnosis

• ways to offer practical support, including inquiring respectfully, being an energy gatekeeper, managing medical appointments or medication, and normalising rest

• being “more than a support system”: why self-care for the partner without the diagnosis is essential

• the importance of emotional regulation – i.e. reacting from your wisdom instead of your intense emotion – in the case of both partners

• how to create realistic expectations, including redefining what a meaningful, connected life looks like now, updating role expectations, and practising grace over perfection. 

In this episode, Lidalize mentions reading reputable medical sources such as the Mayo Clinic, NHS, and disease-specific foundations, as well as – with certain filters – subreddits on the Reddit platform; andAtlas of the Heart written by Brené Brown.

Scroll down for more info on Lidalize, including her contact details.

Al meer mans en vroue besluit om nie kinders te hê nie; lees Lidalize se insigte in waarom mense besluit om kindervry te bly.

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More about Lidalize

Lidalize Grobler is an educational psychologist with a private practice in Pretoria.

Website: https://www.lidalizegrobler.com/

Email: lidalize@lidalizegrobler.com

Cell phone: 082 308 3112

The free podcast series Calm, Clear & Helpful is available on iTunes, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Pocket Casts, Player FM and Iono.fm - I hope you’ll subscribe!

Original music by Mart-Marie Snyman

Thumbnail image: Pexels, models used.

Photograph of Lidalize Grobler: supplied.